


Prinxiety

by AudaciousAuthor



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:15:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 4,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25320739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AudaciousAuthor/pseuds/AudaciousAuthor
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 82





	1. Chapter 1

Roman

"Put me down! It's just a sprained ankle!" Virgil flailed in my arms.  
"You know that I'm not going to pass up an excuse to carry you." I smiled as Virgil relaxed into my arms. He was pouting, but he was cute when he pouted. I thought about telling him, then decided not to because then he might stop.  
"One day you're going to get hurt and I'm going to carry you instead!"  
"Keep dreaming love." I laid Virgil on the couch.  
"Oh shut up!" Virgil shot a glare at me.  
"Make me." I realize this is a rather overused response, but if it works it works.  
Virgil grabbed my sash and pulled me down into a kiss. I was a little surprised about how he reacted. He normally just rolled his eyes and made some remark, apparently not today.  
Virgil was a lot better at kissing than I thought he would be. Our first kiss. It surprised me that I hadn't instigated it. I had always assumed I would have to be the first one to do it.  
Virgil pulled back first. It was over quicker that I would've liked. Virgil stared at me. His face was flushed. It really did flatter him, even if he wouldn't admit it.  
"Where did you learn to do that?" I asked. Despite my best effort, I sounded awed.  
Virgil didn't answer. His gaze shifted over my shoulder. He paled.  
"I... I have to go!"  
I looked over my shoulder. Patton and Logan were in the doorway of the kitchen. I was about to say something to them when Virgil fell into me.  
"Ow!" He exclaimed.  
"You should not be walking on that ankle of yours." I started to lean over to pick him up. He hobbled away.  
"I'm fine!" He stumbled as fast as he could out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

Virgil

I locked my door and collapsed on my bed. My breathing was heavy. What had I done? Had I really kissed Princy? Had I really been caught by the other sides?  
I didn't know how long I stayed there. How long I didn't move.  
Apparently too long. There was a soft knock on the door. A knock I knew well. Patton's knock.  
"Hey there kiddo, you all right?"  
I mumbled something incoherent.  
"I can't hear you Virge." Patton jiggled the door handle.  
I got up, stumbled over and opened the door just a crack so we could see each other. That seemed to make Patton feel better.  
"You okay?" He looked concerned.  
I thought for a moment.  
"Yes." I decided.  
"All right then. Don't forget we have movie night tonight! We're watching Frozen!"  
"Again? I think I'll pass today." I closed the door before Patton could try to persuade me. I heard him walk away from the door.  
Finally I could take some time to think. I tried to go back to my bed. It didn't work. I fell on my way over. Well this was just great. Had I locked my door? Yes, I had locked it back. No other way in. I decided I had to get up.  
My ankle seared when I tried to stand up, ultimately falling back down. Clearly I couldn't move.  
Roman. I needed Roman. He could find some way to help.  
Thinking about Roman reminded me that Patton and Logan had caught us kissing. They weren't supposed to know. Maybe dying would be better than the embarrassment that washed over me.


	3. Chapter 3

Roman

"Virgil's not joining us?" I asked, trying to hide the sadness in my voice. Virgil wasn't quite ready to tell the other sides we were a thing, despite the fact they had their suspicions. When he saw Patton and Logan in the doorway it must have had a bigger impact than I'd figured.  
"No, he doesn't wanna watch Frozen again." Patton sighed as he leaned over on Logan.  
"That is highly probable, as this is all we watch anymore." Logan said with an eyebrow raise at me.  
"We could watch something juicier." Remus suggested. "Perhaps, oh I don't know, unicorn porn!"  
"Can we please not?" Patton whispered as Frozen started.  
"You just don't want to have fun!" Remus stuck his tongue out at the moral side.  
I stopped listening to them talk. Should I go see Virge? Does he just need room? I sighed as the thoughts consumed me.

«»«»«»«»«»

"Roman you okay?" Patton was sitting next to me.  
"Yeah why?" I knew that was at least partially a lie, if not a whole lie. I glanced at Janus. He shot me a knowing look then continued chatting with Remus.  
"You fell asleep during Frozen. You don't normally do that, and even when you were awake you weren't paying attention. Is it something to do with Virgil?"  
"I think I need dinner." I said ignoring Patton.  
"Breakfast you mean. You slept all night."  
"All night?!" I glanced at the clock. Sure enough it was 10:04 A.M.  
"I made pancakes earlier, I'll bring them to you."  
"I can get them myself."  
"I'm sure you can kiddo, but you need to think about whatever's troubling you and fix it." The fatherly side did indeed bring me pancakes just the way I like them.  
I didn't eat much, which worried Patton, seeing as I normally had a hearty appetite. He didn't ask though, which made it easier to take my leave and go see Virgil.  
I knocked (to the tune of 'Chim Chim Cher-ee' from Mary Poppins) on the anxious side's door.


	4. Chapter 4

Virgil

"Virgil?" Roman called from the door.  
"Yes?" I answered. Despite wanting Roman to get in here to help me up, I decided it would be better if I could get up and prove that I was fine. I could not let Roman have more things to annoy me about.  
"Can you let me in?"  
"Uh, yeah. One sec." I tried to stand, and once again fell down with a thud.  
"Um Virge, I'll just get Logan to help me pick the lock, you stay seated." I heard him wonder away calling for Logan.  
Crap. If I could get back up it would be fine. I mean it had been three days, that's long enough to not have to worry about hurting it more, right? Honestly I knew I was wrong, but lying to stop eternal embarrassment, that was okay, right?  
I heard footsteps racing down the hall as I struggled to pull myself up onto the bed (with no success).  
"Hold on Virge! I'll be in soon!" Roman sounded lowkey panicked.  
"I'm fine." I insisted. At that moment the door flew open and almost all the sides came in. All except Remus, which was probably for the better.  
Roman rushed over and stooped to scoop me up from the floor.  
"Fine my ass." Roman remarked.  
"I was just taking a nap on the floor!" I snapped.  
"Mhm sure." Roman lay me on my bed. I noticed everyone staring at me and him.  
"Ro!" I hiss-whispered.  
"As if I could let you lay in agony!" He whispered back.  
"Virgil, you okay kiddo?" Patton asked as he seated himself next to me.  
"Yes." I said.  
"Anything you need to tell us? Virgil? Roman?" Logan wondered.  
"Let me get this straight-" Janus started.  
"Have fun with that." Patton laughed.  
Roman and Logan giggled at that, but the laughter quickly died away.  
"You left me," he continued as if he was never interrupted. "And got with him?"  
"Roman... Roman's just a friend. A really close friend."  
"A friend who you kissed yesterday?" Logan arched an eyebrow.  
"I... lost a bet." I avoided eye contact with everyone, especially Roman.  
"Well at least your standards haven't dropped then." Janus smirked at Roman's glare.  
"J-anus~!" Remus called from the doorway. "I have something for you!"  
I made sure not to look that way as Janus exited my room to see what Remus wanted.  
"Well I think Virge needs some room." Patton said, ushering Roman and Logan out of the room. I looked up to see them leaving. Roman didn't look back.


	5. Chapter 5

Roman

I went with Logan and Patton down stairs. Logan was thinking over something and Patton kept glancing at me. He was rambling on about something but I wasn't paying attention. It had all been a lie. I knew it was too good to be true. Virgil would never want to be with me.  
"Hey Roman!" Patton exclaimed, pulling me from my thoughts. "What if you showed us your awesome sword skills?"  
"No thanks." I tried to hide the twinge of sadness in my voice. Apparently I didn't do too good of a job, seeing as Logan shot me a look with an eyebrow raise.  
"Do you need someone to talk to?" Patton said softly. I only shook my head in response. "Well kiddo, if you ever do I'm here for you." I nodded as I curled up on the couch. It was almost noon. I sighed and turned on the TV.  
I skipped all of my favorite romantic movies. I needed something with no romance whatsoever. Of course all they were showing was romance. I decided to turn off the TV and go for a walk. The fall air was crisp, which made me wish I had my sweater. Virgil had it. I supposed I could guess I'd be getting it back any day now. I sighed as I aimlessly wondered.  
A song started playing in my head. 'Can You Hold Me' by NF.  
This meant that my soulmate was listening to it somewhere. Not that it mattered, we'd never tried to communicate through songs. Maybe I should compose them a song. Yes, that was a good idea. I started to head home.


	6. Chapter 6

Virgil

I stared at the ceiling as some song I'd never heard rang through my head. It was music without words. Was my soulmate into classical music? No, it wasn't classical sounding, but not my soulmates normal choice of romance, Disney or musicals. The sound reminded me of my type of music, but I couldn't recall my soulmate ever listening my style. My thoughts drifted to Roman. What type of music did he like? I didn't really know, it was probably Disney and Pop, if I had to guess.  
I pushed all thoughts of Roman away and wondered if I'd ever meet my soulmate. Were they nearby or on the other side of the world? Were they even someone I'd like? Well, they were supposed to like you and you were supposed to like them, but was that really how it was? No, probably not. Nothing ever went the way it should. For example you were supposed to meet your soulmate and know it was them. That wasn't what happened with Remus and Janus. I suppose that's obvious enough, seeing as Janus dated me. I've also dated Roman. I sighed. I should still be dating Roman. Even if I knew he wasn't my soulmate because I didn't feel it the way I should've. My thoughts wondered to all the good times we'd had. All the hugs and snuggles and- where did those wistful thoughts come from? Those weren't me. Or is this what it felt like to know your soulmate?


	7. Chapter 7

Roman

Words were always the hardest part of the song. What was I supposed to say? 'Hey my name's Roman I'm 22, flamboyantly gay and wanna meet you'? Well... that rhymed but it wasn't exactly what I was looking for. I needed something that would reach them. Something they would like. I needed- my train of thought was interrupted by a knock on the door.  
"Who is it?" I asked.  
"It's Patton. Dinner's ready."  
"Alright, be there soon." I sighed as I lay down my work in progress. It took a moment to motivate but I made it up there for dinner.  
"Is Virgil coming?" Remus asked. I shot him a glare as he smiled evilly.  
"No, he said he just needs alone time." Patton said sadly. I let out a soft breath I didn't know I'd been holding. I was torn between wanting to talk to him in private (as he always had wanted to keep 'us' a secret) and wishing him to stay away from me forever.  
I poked at the spaghetti, barely eating any. Logan noticed but didn't say anything. I don't know why I was glad he didn't. Its not like someone would look over here and not know.  
Patton and I were the last two at the table.  
"So uh... You okay kiddo?"  
"Yeah." I knew that was a lie and I was fairly certain Patton knew too. We sat in silence for a while, then Logan came back in.  
"Pat, your show comes on in five." Logan and Patton were the perfect couple. They knew they were soulmates from the day they met. I thought I'd had that with Virgil. Guess I was wrong.  
I didn't notice I was alone until I decided it was time for bed.


	8. Chapter 8

Virgil

I woke up to Patton bringing me breakfast in bed. He sat down in the chair at my desk. He didn't say anything, but the silence was comfortable. I knew he had something he wanted to tell me, but just as I was about to ask the song from the day before played through my head. Ugh, was this person stuck on it? I wondered if I should break the silence and ask what Patton needed, but he beat me to it.  
"Virge, I don't think it's good to stay locked away in your room all the time. You'd started coming out more and now you're back locked away. Is there a particular reason?"  
I wanted to say no, but that was a lie and I couldn't bring myself to lie to Patton. But then again, could I tell him the truth? I decided to just answer with a shrug.  
"Come down for dinner today, please. It would make me feel better." Patton looked so hopeful as he gathered my dishes, seeing as no one would let me walk.  
"Fine."  
"I'll be looking forward to it." Patton pulled the door behind himself.  
I opened my bedside drawer and pulled out my razor. I knew I shouldn't, but did anyone care? When I was with Roman and he pretended he cared I hadn't done it as much, but now? Now no one even pretended to care.  
I slid the blade down my arm, pushing it deeper every time I made a new slice. By the time I started feeling it I was already catching the blood with Roman's sweater. He'd never want it back anyways.  
There was a knock on the door. The knock was in tune to 'Remember Me' from Coco. Roman. Why was Roman at my door.  
"What do you want?" I growled as I pulled my sleeve back down to cover the scars.  
"I just wanted to talk. Can I come in?" Roman's voice was hesitant.  
"Why would I want to talk to you of all people?" I knew I honestly really did wanna talk with him, but I didn't need him pretending to care about me again.


	9. Chapter 9

Roman

I left Virgil's door. Obviously I had been wrong when I had assumed he was lying about the whole bet thing. I wondered what the exact bet was. Was it something like 'If you loose this bet then you have to pretend to be with Roman until it slips it isn't real' or was it more like 'If you loose this bet you have to break someone's heart'. The more I thought about it the more I realised it was a complete fantasy that Virgil would ever like me, after all we had soulmates. I'd finally compiled my song for my soulmate. I decided to just go for it and see if they respond.  
The song described my interests and gave my name. It also requested that my soulmate respond, if they could. This was all with hope they could speak English. I'd recorded it that morning, so now I could listen to it, so they could hear. The end of the song requested if they'd heard the song that they play some song on their side. I waited for a response then a song came on. It was some song I'd never heard before, but in the general depressing genera my soulmate liked. I hoped they'd understood I was trying to reach them.  
«»«»«»«»«»  
I entered the kitchen/dining room for dinner. Everyone was there, including an emo I wasn't on the best of terms with.  
Remus kept shooting me looks, not quite threatening, but I knew if he wished to he would put me in some form of uncomfortableness with Virgil. I gave him a quick look asking him not too. All he did was give me his trademark Remus smile and move on to chatting with Janus. Logan read some mathematics book. This left me, Virgil and Patton. Patton looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn't. Virgil wouldn't make eye contact with me, despite me catching him staring at me several times.  
I decided to excuse myself. Virgil gave me a look, I thought it was a look asking me not to leave, but then again I'd thought he loved me.


	10. Chapter 10

Virgil

I didn't sleep much that night, so I turned on some music so it wouldn't be quite so quiet. I now knew Roman was my soulmate. He wrote me a song to communicate. Well, he wrote his soulmate a song. If he knew it was me he wouldn't have done it. He hated me. I loved him, but he didn't return my love. I cut more that night. My entire arm was scarred already, and now freshly wounded. My arm hurt like hell, but I didn't care. Quite frankly I was ready to die. I held the blade to my neck. One quick pull and I could end it all. I was ready, I started to work up the courage when someone knocked on my door. I shoved the razor under my pillow as the door opened.  
"Uh, hey." Princey said as he entered. "I... I heard your music and wanted to come see if you were okay..."  
Damn me for forgetting to turn my music off before someone heard.  
"All good." I lied as pulled his sweater around my bleeding arm.  
"That's not what your empty drawer says." He pointed to my open drawer where I stored my razor. "Where is it?"  
"As if you care!" I said sharply.  
"I do! I don't care if I have a freaking soulmate! I want you! I understand you don't want me that way but at least stay alive and bless some other soul with yourself!" Roman's eyes were blinking rapidly to clear tears.  
"Ro..." My voice was quiet. "I wanted to tell you this earlier... I... I am your soulmate. I heard the song you wrote. I listened to it with all my heart but thought you wanted your soulmate not me."  
"But I do want you, and you are my soulmate. I love you Virge." Roman came over and gave me a kiss. His arm around my waist, slightly lifting me from the bed. I threw my weight back, pulling him on top of me on the bed. I didn't want this moment to end, but like all good things it did.


	11. Chapter 11

Roman

That night we stayed in Virgil's room. I knew it would look like something it wasn't, but if it helped Virge sleep, then it was something I was willing to do.  
«»«»«»«»«»  
I didn't open my eyes, but felt for a specific someone next to me. No one there. I bolted upright and looked around. Pillows fell everywhere. Once I had dug through the mound of pillows I saw Virgil trying not to laugh from over at his desk, with Remus too.  
"Uh, hello?" I started pushing my hair down.  
"We had a bet to see who could stack the most pillows on you until you woke up." Remus handed Virgil five bucks.  
"I won. I got all the pillows from the entire freaking house." Virgil came over and unburied my legs.  
"Is this going to happen every time I stay the night?" I tried to sound pissed, but it didn't work. Remus gave me his smile and an eyebrow raise.  
Virgil noticed. "Its not what you're thinking Remus."  
"What do you mean? I don't think it was anything." Remus gave a sly smirk that sent Virgil and me blushing. We knew he thought something, despite him saying he didn't. "Well, nothing unusual anyways."  
"Unusual means something different coming from you than coming from me."  
"I wouldn't know what you're talking about! Care to elaborate?"  
"Nope, those words are not crossing my lips right now." I glared daggers at my brother. Remus only smiled in response. "Go away!"  
Remus gave me a look, but did leave.  
"How did you decide that stacking pillows on top of me was a good idea?" I asked Virgil.  
"Wanted to know how deep of a sleeper you were." He shrugged.  
A knock on the door.  
"Come in." Virgil said. Patton entered.  
"Lunch is ready." He then noticed me in the room. "There you are! I've been looking for you all morning! Where have you been?"  
I gave Virgil a look, asking if he wanted me to say.  
"He was in here with me... We had a... A sleepover." Virgil glanced at me, and I gave him a smile.  
"So you two finally decided to tell us you're together?" Logan's head appeared over Patton's shoulder.  
"Yes." I answered without thinking to check with Virgil. I blushed and looked at Virgil, but he was smiling.

«»Stop here if you want a happy ending«»


	12. Chapter 12

Virgil

(10 years later, Virgil and Roman are married and in their own house)

I stumbled in from work, not really seeing much of anything through my tears. Work had been hard today.  
Roman wasn't home, he was on a tour with some theatrical thing. Roman had been gone for several days. He hadn't texted or called me. That was okay though, right? He was probably just busy. My phone dinged. I check the message, hoping it was Roman. 'Unknown number'. I opened the message:  
'Hello, I am sorry to inform you, but train crashed on the way to New York. Roman Sanders's body has been identified. I have traced your number to belonging to his husband. If this isn't your husband please tell me so.'  
The phone slipped from my hands. Roman was dead? I grabbed my phone and I dialed his number. It went to voicemail. Roman was truly gone. I ran to our room and pulled the razor I'd used to self harm before I was with Roman. I held the blade against my neck, as I had done one night about ten years ago. I took one deep breath and pulled the knife.


	13. Chapter 13

Roman

I checked my phone on the train ride to New York. A missed call from Virgil. I called him back. No answer. I left a message asking him to call me back and leave a message if I didn't answer. My co-star and roommate on this tour passed me his phone. A message to a number I recognized. Virgil's number. The message read:  
'Hello, I am sorry to inform you, but train crashed on the way to New York. Roman Sanders's body has been identified. I have traced your number to belonging to his husband. If this isn't your husband please tell me so.'  
It was sent from my co-star's number. I looked at him.  
"I was drunk and high." He mumbled. "I guess I thought it was a cool prank or something."  
I was too stunned to say anything, but felt anger rising inside me.  
My phone rang. I answered.  
"Hello. Is this Roman Sanders?"  
"Yes." I answered.  
"We are sad to inform you, but Patton, a close friend of yours, went to visit your husband, Virgil Sanders today. He was sad to inform us that Virgil has committed suicide, in his own house."  
"Virgil... Died?"  
"Yes. Our condolences."  
I hung up the phone. I pulled up text messages to the producer.  
'Hey, I have to go back to Florida A.S.A.P. A family issue. Sorry to have to bail.'  
'K' was the answer I got.  
At the next train stop I got off and got home within 24 hours. Sure enough Virgil was gone. Patton was there to comfort me, and Logan was there too, but not so much as to comfort me as to just be there with his soulmate.  
I now knew I would have to walk the rest of this life alone.


End file.
